"No one knows whether death may not be the greatest of all blessings for a man, yet men fear it as if they knew that it is the greatest of evils.” - Plato.
I am not fearful of death - of my death - but I get too much scared when someone dies - someone close. I am fearful of the fear and silence that it propels in the surroundings. I am fearful of the all the other scared faces around me, of the mournful smell of the air. I am fearful of the darkness with which it overshadows the brightest sunlight. The tears of all the disturbed souls that soon would flood the universe haunt me. The swelled-dry-lips and red-wet-eyes of all who are suffering the loss weaken me. How cruel is the fact - that this astronomically huge span of life would be destroyed in a blink of an eye and would leave everyone behind in pain -it tortures me a lot. Death, by far the most stupid and preposterous creation of God is the greatest fear of all.
A couple of days back I lost someone. A person who was not there with me for the most of the time of my life, but yes there was this noble and magnanimous image of that lady which was alive in my mind, my heart and my thoughts for so long - it was all shattered. The image which was just so alive and so vibrant - talking to me smilingly - was all missing in the very next moment. It was like a black-hole of silence and fear and pain created somewhere in my heart and 'twas drowning me in. I was scared and was never scared this much. I cried a lot - alone - many a times - but that was even drowning me more. I was crying and thinking about the condition of those who were closely related to her, those who had spent their entire life with her. How pitiful their conditions would be - unimaginable ! And then I was cursing God for he was the only one who scripted all this drama and was watching it being enacted. Preposterous.
I do not want to leave people behind me tormented and crying in pain. I now know how it feels. But I can not help it. I know they will cry when I am gone, miss me more than ever. But why? Why God has created such nonsense circle of Life and Death? Why on one hand does he put so much strength and positivity in Life and then despise his own creation and spread fear with Death? And why does he not bestow the humans with the power to overcome that fear? Why does he let them suffer? These unanswerable questions will haunt everyone - everyone who has felt death so closely. One can not escape this only irrefutable reality. But then why is this truth so untrue that no one want to face it, to believe it? Death is evil and the God himself created this evil.
Rest in peace the pious soul of the lovely and beautiful old lady; you shall always be there in my heart.